The True Meaning of Smekday
From Library Staff
In the chaotic turmoil that follows the Boov invasion of Earth, eleven-year-old Gratuity Tucci finds herself driving her mother's car to Florida, where all of the humans are being relocated, with her cat and a renegade extraterrestrial named J. Lo as her copilots.
No one believed Tip's mom was kidnapped by aliens until the aliens conquer Earth. For anyone who thinks even the end of the world can be funny.
When her mother is abducted by aliens on Christmas Eve (or "Smekday" Eve since the Boov invasion), 11 year-old Tip hops in the family car and heads south to rescue her, meeting a Boov mechanic who agrees to help and saving the planet from disaster in the process.
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"This seems like an awful lot of trouble for one flat tire," I said.
The Boov stuck out his head.
I stared back blankly for a second, then walked around to the other side. The tire was still flat.
"The car, it should to hover much better now!" he called happily.
"Hover?" I answered. "Hover better? It didn't hover at all before!"
"Hm," the Boov said, looking down. "So this is why the wheels are so dirty."
"You don't even have a gun!"
"Yes! YES!" he shouted, nodding furiously, as though I'd somehow proven his point. "NO GUN! So I will have to ... have to ..." His whole body trembled. "... SHOOT FORTH THE LASERS FROM MY EYE-BALLS!"
I fell into a row of shelves. That one was new to me.
"Shoot forth the lasers?"
"SHOOT FORTH THE LASERS!"
"you can do that?"
The Boov hesitated. His eyes quivered. After a few seconds he replied, "Yes."
I squinted. "Well, if you shoot your eye lasers, then I'll have no choice but to ... EXPLODE YOUR HEAD!"
"You humans can not to ex-"
"We can! We can too! We just don't much. It's considered rude."
It was Moving Day. Should that be capitalized? I never would have capitalized it before, but now Moving Day is a national holiday and everything, so I think it should be. Capitalized.
Tucci's essay, entitled "The True Meaning of Smekday," was only one of many items in the unearthed time capsule, including a lock of Daniel Landry's hair and a recording of DJ Max Dare's single "Hit the Road, Smek (Moove, Boov! Mix)."
Can I come into the out now?
Regarding stickyfish teams, I favor the Bigfield Fighting Koobish
We found the bathrooms, which were labeled 'Aliens' and 'Femaliens.'
'Finally,' I said to J.Lo. 'Here's a bathroom you're allowed to use.
You have no room to laugh, that's all. I'm not doing any worse with Boovish than you did with English.'
Get off of the car,' J.Lo huffed. 'I am an English superstar.'
Uh-uh. There's no comparison. 'Gratuity' in written Boovish has seventeen different bubbles that all have to be the right size and in the right place. 'J.Lo' in written English only has three letters, and you still spelled it 'M-smiley face-pound sign.
Is there a short-eared koobish, then?'
Mmmyes ...' said J.Lo. 'But it is technically not really a koobish. Is more alike a kind of singing pumpkin.'
We had conversations like these all the time, where I just eventually gave up.