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Dave Barry's Homes and Other Black Holes

The Happy Homeowner's Guide to Ritual Closing Ceremonies, Newton's First Law of Furniture Buying, the Lethal Chemicals Man, and Other Perils of the American Dream
Barry, Dave (Book - 1995)
Dave Barry's Homes and Other Black Holes
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"Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him." --The New York Times Book Review THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER'S MARKET At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they've never been answered before: What's the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank's secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner's projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.
Authors: Barry, Dave
Title: Dave Barry's homes and other black holes
the happy homeowner's guide to ritual closing ceremonies, Newton's first law of furniture buying, the lethal chemicals man, and other perils of the American dream
Publisher: New York : Ballantine Books, 1995
Edition: 1st mass market ed
Characteristics: xii, 196 p. :,ill. ;,18 cm
Statement of Responsibility: Dave Barry ; illustrated by Jeff MacNelly
Notes: Includes index
Additional Contributors: MacNelly, Jeff
Alternate Title: Homes and other black holes
ISBN: 9780345394408
0345394402
Branch Call Number: 817.5 B279dho 1995
Subject Headings: American wit and humor House selling Humor House buying Humor
Topical Term: American wit and humor
House selling
House buying
LCCN: 87091406
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Opinion

From Library Staff

Barry lets his humor loose upon the idea of actually purchasing a house. He offers essays on, for instance, ``How to Pretend to Look Knowledgeably at a House'' and ``Moving: A Common Mistake.'' One of his funniest offerings.


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