Let's Pretend This Never Happened
by Jamie Kelly
"Jim Benton's tales from Mackerel Middle School."
Kelly, Jamie (Fictitious character)
From Library Staff
Sneak a peek inside the diary of Jamie Kelly, who promises that everything she writes is true...or at least as true as it needs to be...
In her diary, middle school student Jamie Kelly describes her life at home and at school, including her attempts to triumph over her nemesis, the beautiful and popular Angeline. First in a series.
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“My pants cut the cheese. Let one fly. Baked a batch of brownies.”
“How Superheroes Make Money:
- Spider-Man knits sweaters.
- Superman screw the lids on pickle jars.
- Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.”
“I'm telling you, the gorgeous of the world can actually look pretty intimidating when they scowl. Imagine a snow-white swan with a scary tattoo holding a chain saw. There's just no way to really prepare for that.”
“Love makes the world go 'round but I'm pretty sure money has to do with it, too.”
“Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About:
- Titanic sinking again.
- Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda.
- Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies.”
“I had the great idea of using markers to gently color the ants so I could tell them apart, but I learned that this is exactly like somebody trying to gently color on you with a thirty-story building.
Without dwelling on the tragedy, I'd just like to say that I'm deeply sorry to Mr. Purple and the surviving Purple family.”
“This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.”
“Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.”
“never underestimate your dumbness!!”
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